Friend?

For the last two years, I have taken a vacation from Facebook. I think a few family and friends don’t understand why. I had my reasons and for awhile I wasn’t able to put those into words. It took some time and I’ve come up with this:  Facebook is starting to scare me. Some of you will laugh and roll your eyes, some of you will think I’m overanalyzing and some of you may even be intrigued.  Hear me out.  Facebook scares me and the reason why is because after listening to people talk about Facebook, I worry that we are slowly starting to rely on it more and more to maintain the relationships we have.  I’m going to ask a question and maybe this will shed a little light on what I’m talking about.   How many times have you thought about someone and wondered how they were doing? You probably do one of three things.  You either call them and catch up or make plans to catch up in person, you text them or the easiest and probably the most convenient is you log onto Facebook, click on their name and use two minutes as a gage to see how they are.    Now I know that we all have our own groups of people who we get together with or actually call on a regular basis but how does that number compare to the number of “Friends” we have on Facebook?  Do I have your attention now? Do you see why it worries me? Great! Read on…I’ll explain some concerns I’ve heard or even have myself when it comes to this social network.

I’ve noticed a trend in conversations recently.   This trend has become a phrase and this nail on the chalkboard phrase is “yeah, I know I saw it on Facebook.” I cringe even typing these words. I’m sure you’re aware of what I’m referring to. Someone tells you, “Oh didn’t you see it? I posted it on Facebook.” Or “you’ll have to go check Facebook.” When people say this, its usually accompanied by the “duh!” look or a look of shock because “what do you mean you haven’t seen it on Facebook?”  This kind of makes me laugh because  (and I know this may come as a surpise) there are people who don’t have Facebook or if they do, they do not check it frequently. After hearing this more and more from in person conversations I’ve had with people,  I worry that it’s becoming a social expectation to check Facebook to see what’s new and exciting in our friends lives. We’re starting to stop picking up the phone because if we post it on Facebook, whatever we want to share can be done in an instant and the need or desire to see someone in person or talk to them over the phone probably goes away.  

My other complaint is I think Facebook skews our definition of friend.  Let’s be real for a moment, the word “friend” on Facebook is used so loosely.  For someone to be a “Friend” on Facebook, all they have to do is accept your request.   A “friend” can be someone that you have only met once and you may not ever see or talk to again.  You’ll spend time liking things the person posts but they will only be a friend on Facebook. I’ve heard people get upset when others don’t accept their friend requests and I sympathized with them. No one wants to be rejected however I would rather someone be honest and not accept my friend request then accept my request and not do anything more then “like” what I post every now and again.

Lastly, I’m noticing that we are or have been “friending” people that we wouldn’t even say hello to if we saw them out in public.  On a few occasions, I’ve heard someone say that they saw someone from Facebook out somewhere but either they didn’t say hello or their “friend” didn’t say hello either.  Is it that important for us to “friend” them on Facebook but not important enough to acknowledge them in person?  Really?!?!? Is that really a friendship or are you just spying on them? Oh I’m sorry, did you find the term “spying” offensive? Let me rephrase that “are you keeping tabs on them?”

Please understand I am by no means saying that Facebook is “da devil.”  I am not saying I think we should all close our accounts and get rid of Facebook. There are great things about Facebook and despite what I may have conveyed here, I really do like it.  Facebook is how I keep in touch with most of my sorority sisters, where I see what my far away extended family is up to and where I have reconnected with friends from elementary, junior high and high school.  Facebook has allowed me to connect with people that I want to build and maintain relationships with by actually talking over the phone or gasp.. in person. I don’t want to just click on a name to check in with someone. I personally am at a place where I want to know that my Facebook “friends” are my “friends” outside of a website.  My real hope is that it isn’t going to become the only way we maintain our relationships with others.   Maybe I’m asking too much, maybe I’m a dreamer and being unrealistic but I don't want and I won't allow my relationships to only exist in a virtual world...